In defense of peeling chicken nuggets

My life hasn’t known peace since I watched my friend peel off the crunchy part of a McNugget and eat the naked mole rat of a nugget underneath

— Avery (@luvbazar) May 3, 2019

But I have a confession to make. I understand deeply, more than anyone else, what’s going on the picture above. Yes, it’s time to come clean — I am a chicken nugget peeler. 

Upon revealing this to my circle of friends the backlash was swift and intense. Somehow my terrible habit had gone under the radar for years, but no more. Like the inside of a nugget, longing to break free from its shell, I too longed to free myself from this secret. 

Here’s a brief collage of the initial responses:

Yet I’m here today to fight the fight for all the nugget peelers out there. And no, you cannot change my mind. It’s the superior way to consume nuggets. 

There’s just something about the juicy chicken flesh, peeled of its crispy constraints. The smooth chicken patty is like a meat tortilla chip, perfect for dipping in sauce. (Although up until recently I never consumed any condiments — ketchup and honey mustard included. You can put me on blast for that another time.) 

There’s just something about the juicy chicken flesh, peeled of its crispy constraints.

Then there’s the skin bits. Beautifully pulled apart, they are like slightly less crispy chicharrones. Like little shreds of fried goodness, they’re unmarred by a big bite of meatiness or sogginess-inducing sauce. 

But Sage, you might be asking, if you want nuggets without the skin, why don’t you just get the grilled nuggets from Chick-fil-A? 

First of all, no matter how delicious the chicken, homophobia leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Second of all, they’re just not the same! Grilled nuggets don’t have the same naked texture as peeled nugs, and I’m offended you would even hypothetically compare the two. Also I do the love the skin! Just as a separate entity from the interior nugget. 

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You may find yourself feeling like John Mulaney right now, asking why someone would hold a food opinion as diabolical as this. And I’m telling you that it could be much, much worse. At least I’m not the guy that eats cereal with water instead of milk. 

The long answer is that I have food texture issues, and I truly cannot stand the combined mouthfeel of a full nugget. Regular fried chicken is fine. Grilled chicken is fine. Nuggets, however, fire off immediate Kill Bill sirens in my brain. 

The short answer is that I simply live for chaos. Hey, some people just want to watch the world burn (as they gently peel their freshly fried nugs). 

If you wish to join me on the dark side of fast food enjoyment, allow me to outline the concrete steps to achieve maximum enhancement of your chicken nugget experience. 

Step 1: Acquire the Nugs

Available at most fast food establishments, your first step is purchasing the humble nugget. My personal favorite is the McNugget. If you’re springing for higher quality chicken pieces, may I recommend the new Chick’n Bites at Shake Shack. (Be warned the breading is thinner, so they’ll be harder to peel!) 

Step 2: Carefully Peel the Skin Off

Now comes the time for the nuggets to shed their skin. This part is neither easy nor neat, no matter how you swing it. Choose you your fighter — hands/nails or teeth. It’s so worth it, though. 

Step 3: Consume Nugget Flesh (Dipping sauce optional!)

Take a bite of that tasty flesh. Mmm. 

Step 4: Consume Skin Bits

Here comes the best part — skin bits! Chomp on those crunchy pieces solo, or dip them in the sauces like chips and salsa. 

I hope if I haven’t successfully convinced you of the best way possible to eat nuggets, that you can at least forgive my fast food transgressions. But either way, I have no shame. 

We’re here, we’re proud. We’re the Nugget Peeling Nation. 

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