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This Gay Man Was Deciding Whether To Come Out To His Homophobic Family — Then His Brother Came Out First
Okay, onto the family thing: As a gay man myself, I know how liberating coming out can be, even when it’s scary. And, of course, I want to be able to tell every LGBTQ+ person to do it — but I can’t, because not everyone has the privilege of coming out safely. Watsamon Tri-yasakda /…
Okay, onto the family thing: As a gay man myself, I know how liberating coming out can be, even when it’s scary. And, of course, I want to be able to tell every LGBTQ+ person to do it — but I can’t, because not everyone has the privilege of coming out safely.
Watsamon Tri-yasakda / Getty Images
If telling your family would put you in danger, make you homeless, or make it difficult to feed yourself or finish school, then I’d encourage you to hold off on it, at least for now. Instead, start working toward ways you can make yourself more independent: graduate, get out of the house, save up some money, maybe move to a new city if that’s an option. These steps would mitigate your risk if you ever decide to come out to your family in the future — and make it easier for you to date in the meantime.
Eakalak Maleetipawan / Getty Images
But maybe none of those things are at stake here. If by “keep the peace” you simply mean, “I don’t want to ruin dinner with an argument,” then by all means, ruin dinner with an argument! If you know that your safety and security are not at risk, an unpleasant conversation with your parents may be well worth it, if it means you can start living more openly and honestly with them.
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Become a founding memberYour family may never know all of who you are — and perhaps they don’t deserve all of who you are, anyway. So give them whatever parts of yourself that you can comfortably, safely give. And then go live a better life — a happier, freer, and fuller life — somewhere else, with people more deserving of you.
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That’s all the advice I’m giving today, folks, but if you’ve got any words of wisdom for our DMer, please share them in the comments. I’ll be reading.
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